From: Ira Kapitonova in Kyiv (Day 942)
Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God.
Psalm 42:11
We returned to Kyiv over a year ago, but I just realized I spent this year not really living to the fullest. So many things from that past life seemed too trivial for the reality of war. And some things seemed like an unreasonable hassle because they would not last. For example, we only recently unpacked some things that were put away while someone else stayed in our apartment. I kept postponing it, and as I now understand, I was doing it out of subconscious fear that we might need to put them away again.
I never really restored my balcony garden. I still have some succulents, but I don’t have enough energy (or enough faith) to get more plants.
Recovering my favorite and long-forgotten purse or scarf has been my thing recently. We’ve gotten used to using just the things you absolutely need, and so many things feel like an unnecessary luxury.
Don’t get me wrong; we are not on the path to asceticism. It’s just that ordinary things look different to you now.
That’s why I’m slowly reclaiming my life by allowing myself to make plans, use nicer plates, eat out, or brighten my day with a set of earrings I forgot I had. Life is not about these pleasures, but it’s not about living in fear either.
The enemy is trying to suck the joy out of our lives, which is why we shouldn’t give up. We shall hope in God and again praise Him, our salvation and our God.
Voice of Ukraine 